Money-laundering: when a dodgy client pays you in cash and you forget to take it out of your pocket before putting your trousers in the washing machine.
When you learn to drive, your instructor tells you about who has priority over you, and over whom you – in turn – have priority. Stuff like, people coming from your left on roundabouts have priority. People already on a road have priority over people turning on to it. People going straight over a crossroads have priority over people turning right.
Then you actually start driving properly and realise this is a lot of… rather inaccurate.
The real Driving Priority list goes:
People Who Have Priority Over You
- Anyone in a bigger vehicle than you.
- Anyone in a more expensive vehicle than yours.
- Anyone in a white van, regardless of make, model, age or rust quotient.
- Anyone in a vehicle that is clearly held together by chewing gum, pieces of string, and rust.
- Mad people (although this includes most drivers, so you can claim priority over some of the less-mad ones).
People Over Whom You Have Priority
- People who think that 50mph is an appropriate speed for a motorway (except the M6, where if you can hit 15mph you’re doing well).
- Anyone who doesn’t know which lane they’re supposed to be in, and appears to be trying them all out to see which has the best cosmic vibrations.
- Everyone, if your alarm clock didn’t go off this morning.
However, the real reason for this post is that 0n my way to work, I have to drive through a Nature Zone (speed limit 20mph) with a lake. Today, there was a duck on the road. (Or possibly it was a Canada goose.) So we all waited, queueing, while the duck stood in the middle of the road and stared back at us.
This was obviously a waterfowl who knew the score, i.e., that he had Priority Over Everything.
Eventually he got bored with establishing dominance over an increasing line of traffic and, having made his point, wandered off the road and jumped in the lake.
So I added another item to my list of People Who Have Priority Over Me:
Found in a letter in a case file:
“…attend court, bringing a ballista.”
For a moment, I got all excited. I had no idea that court cases were so violent – maybe that’s why they don’t televise them?
Then I realised that the curse of spellchecker had struck again.